VIOLENCE

What is domestic violence? In this paper I will be telling you many

different forms of domestic violence. I will include the physical abuse,
sexual

abuse, verbal abuse, spiritual abuse, economic abuse, social abuse, and

emotional abuse. I will also describe the "cycle", teen dating violence, and
why

women stay with an abusive partner.

Physical abuse takes many forms including hitting, punching, pulling
hair,

slapping, grabbing, biting, kicking, breaking bones, bruising, burning,
twisting

arms, throwing victims against walls and furniture, throwing objects and
using

weapons. It also includes damaging household goods, killing pets, and denial
of

human needs, like sleep and nutrition. Assault can be of a life-threatening
nature

resulting in broken bones, miscarriages and other serious injuries. A
substantial

proportion of victims are threatened or assaulted with weapons such as
knives,

firearms and axes. Physical violence can result in murder and often leads to

serious physical injury. The injuries are not always obvious as abusers often

make sure the signs of their attacks are hidden under clothing. For many
women

there is a real and constant threat of death because of the seriousness of
the

abuse.

Sexual abuse in the home is domestic violence. Sexual intercourse without

consent is sexual assault. Sexual assault may or may not involve physical
force.

Sexual abuse is unwanted sexual contact. Many men still believe that they
have

the right to unlimited sexual access to their wives.

Verbal abuse consists of derogatory comments, insults and constant put-

downs. Lack of physical attractiveness, inferiority, inability to cope and
succeed

on her own and being told that she is not a good mother/wife/housekeeper.

Over time this constant humiliation will destroy a women's belief in herself
and

severely affect her self-esteem. She begins to take on the abusive
descriptions

as if they are real and therefore may start to believe that she's worthless,
that

the violence is her fault. It must be kept in mind that responsibility for
the

violence lies solely with the perpetrator, not the victim. Threats are very
common

form of verbal abuse, aimed at terrorizing the woman to such and extent that

the abuser is in total control. Threats by a man to kill a woman if she
leaves him

are often reported by victims of domestic violence.

Emotional abuse closely linked to verbal abuse, these behaviors are also

aimed at terrorizing the victim and stripping her of her self-confidence.
Behaviors

include destroying household/personal property deliberately

hurting/injuring/killing domestic pets, deprivation of essential personal
needs

such as food, sleep, sanitary items ect. The power which they give in order
to

manipulate and intimidate the other partner. A range of behavior is involved,

including verbal abuse intended to destroy the other persons self-esteem. For

example, a perpetrator's behavior may lead to his partner to believe she is

insane, stupid or useless. The effect is often cumulative, occurring over a
long

period of time with damaging consequences for the abused person's sense of

self.

Spiritual abuse describes the damage violence does to the spirit of those

who have been abused. For some women this cannot be equated with

psychological or emotional abuse. Spiritual violence is deeper than an
individuals

experience of betrayal: it involves the shame experienced when everyone in
the

community is aware of the violence, and when they too are implicated as
victims

of the violence. Victimization may be based on race, color, or other forms of

identification with that community , and it includes the abuse suffered from
a

history of genocide or persecution.

Economic abuse this occurs where the man has total control over all

financial resources. For example, he may forbid the woman to work or if she

does he may insist that she hands over her pay check to him unopened. She

may have to beg for money to buy necessities and when it is given it may
often

be insufficient. She is then criticized for being stupid or incompetent in
failing to

provide adequately with this sum.

Social abuse includes delivering verbal abuse in front of other people,

such as put-down, jokes, criticisms about the woman's weight, appearance,

sexuality, intelligence ect. Controlling behaviors such as following her to
work,

controlling access to friends, constant phone calls at work or accusations of

imagined 'affairs' ect. Isolating a woman by denigrating her friends and
family,

thus leading her to cut herself off because she fears enraging her husband,

locking the women in or out of the house, cutting off the telephone, never
letting

her use the car ect. Social abuse is the constant monitoring and control of a

women's activities, outings, and friendships. She may be forced to account

herself for her every movement, and my be denied the right to leave the home

and see her friends. The result for the abused woman can be public
humiliation

and isolation from friends and other members of her family.

The Cycle Of Violence

PHASE 1: TENSION BUILDING

Poor communication / series of minor incidents / decreased control

Compliant / good behavior/ experiences/ increased tension/ minimizes
problems/ increases threats/ denies anger/ takes more control/ withdraws/
controls more/ tension intolerable

PHASE 2: ACUTE BATTERING

Increased stress and injury/ loss of control

Unpredictable, claims loss of control / is helpless, feels trapped / highly
abusive/ traumatized

PHASE 3: KINDNESS AND LOVING BEHAVIOR

Tension drops / Renewed love / Increased Tension

Often apologetic, attentive / mixed feelings / is manipulative / feels guilty
and responsible / promises changes / considers reconciliation

After the abuser has gone through all of the phases, it starts over again
with phase one and continues until the victim either gets help or is killed.

TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
FACTS & MYTHS

Myth: It can't happen to me
Fact: More than 1 in 10 teenagers experience physical violence in their
relationships

Myth: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign of true love
Fact: Jealousy and possessiveness are a sign that the person sees you as a
possession. It is the most common early warning sign of abuse.

Myth: Teen dating violence isn't really that serious.
Fact: Thirty percent of all women who are murdered in this country are killed
by their husband or boyfriend. According to a Massachusetts study, that same
high percentage applied to teen woman, aged 15-19, as well. Also, 60% of all
rapes reported to rape crisis centers are committed by acquaintances, and the
majority of victims are aged 16-24.

Myth: Men are battered by women just as often as women are battered by men.
Fact: The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that 95% of the reported
incidents of assaults in relationships are committed by males.

Myth: Alcohol causes a man to batter
Fact: Many men who batter do not drink heavily , and many alcoholics do not
beat their partners. Further, batterers who do drink don't necessarily give
up battering when they give up drinking. While they are drunk, the alcohol
acts as their excuse.

Myth: Victims bring on the abuse themselves. They ask for it
Fact: Perpetrators believe they have the right to use abuse to control their
partner, and they see the victim as less than equal to themselves. The victim
has no control over the abuser.

Myth: If a person stays in an abusive relationship, it must not really be
that bad.
Fact: People stay in abusive relationships for a number of reasons: fear,
economic dependence, confusion, loss of self-confidence, not recognizing that
what's happening is abusive, belief that the abuser needs their help or will
change.

Myth: Most batterers are bums or crazy people.
Fact: Batterers are found in all classes and types of people: rich, poor,
professional, unemployed, black, white, urban, and rural.